Joy Marvus Neale Query

Dr Joy M. N. Query has had her last cup of tea, as far as we know, but then again, perhaps it is possible she’s enjoying a proper British “cuppa” in another realm. In any event, on August 18, her mum’s birthday, she left us to sort things out on this end. “Things” being the state of the world, and as she quite recently said: “We’re in a bit of a muddle, aren’t we?” Indeed.

Never one to shy away from the good, hard work of trying to make the world a better place for all, at 98 years old she was still wondering what she could do, how best to make herself useful, as if her life brimming with social utility was somehow still insufficient. It’s hard to imagine there was more she could possibly do, but being of service to humanity was part of her DNA, and if there’s a genetic code for “compassionate leader”, she had it in spades. Let’s put this in context.

Born June 18, 1926, in the village of Quinton, on the western edge of Birmingham, England, Joy was a West Midlands girl through and through. She and her younger siblings, Jack and Sheila, grew up with loving, hardworking parents, Samuel and Doree Neale. On weekends and holidays, they would all trundle into Sam’s two-tone Rover on jaunts to the country for tea, picnics and lazy afternoons along the streams and rivers of the Midlands. By any measure it was an idyllic childhood: exploring the woods and parks in Quinton and Smethwick, the gentle landscapes of Warwickshire and Worcestershire counties, attending the local schools and helping Sam and Doree in their shops. The idyl was broken in September, 1939 with the advent of WW2. Joy was 13. Children in war grow up quickly, and Joy, already a star student and mature for her age, became protector of her siblings, and helper to her father Sam, accompanying him on occasion as he made his rounds as a Warden for the Fleet Air Arm in Birmingham. If love and care for others was part of the family culture, the war taught Joy a deep and abiding compassion for those around her. It shaped her life’s work.

Joy finished school early and at 16 was teaching students her own age, and at 18 was assistant headmistress at Smethwick Girls’ School. She was also a Girl Guide leader and after the war, took her charges on rambles in England, Wales, and all across Europe. How she loved a good hike! There was never a problem that couldn’t be solved with a walk in a park, along the sea or to the Red River, even in the dead of winter to see if the dam had frozen. Preferably followed by a steaming pot of tea.

At the University of Birmingham, Joy studied English Literature and Theology, received a scholarship to the University of Syracuse in New York, and moved to the US in 1952. After finishing her studies at Syracuse, she continued her scholarship to attend Drake University in Iowa and completed her MA, married, then moved to Lexington, Kentucky to do her PhD at the University of Kentucky and Transylvania, and started a family. As her children began to develop a southern drawl, Joy said: “This will never do!”, and thus the family moved back to England for a proper British education and diction, while she and her husband Bill did research at a “factory hospital” in Worcestershire County. The family returned to Lexington briefly, then moved to Fargo, ND. As was her want, Joy hit the ground running and realizing that NDSU didn’t have a sociology department, she started and chaired the Department of Sociology and Anthropology, and carefully guided the new department in her own inimitable style. Joy also successfully proposed the inclusion of medical ethics and a sociological perspective in the medical program at UND and was one of those rare educators that had dual professorships at NDSU and UND simultaneously. During this period she also took sabbatical at Yale University. 

As if this weren’t enough Joy published widely in her fields of study, gave papers locally, nationally and abroad, sat on countless boards, mentored her undergrads, advised and directed graduate students, sponsored numerous foreign students, and fostered cooperative and productive relations in her department. In addition, seeing the need for a sea-change in how we tend to the end-of-life passage, Joy and her friend Edie Herbst, founded the first hospice in North Dakota, Hospice of the Red River Valley.

Enough? Hardly. First in her life was family, and she was simply the best mum anyone could wish for: always present, always ready, always full of love, friendship, guidance, insight, and amazing cooking. Travel and reading were passions she instilled in her children with books in every room, well worn dictionaries and encyclopedias on shelves sagging with the weight of them. Camping trips were frequent as was travel to England and Europe, Canada and the West. She was so present in family life that it’s hard to imagine how she conducted her professional life the way she did, but Joy was gifted with vast energetic resources and the ability to apply them to anything she set her mind to.

Joy had a keen interest in everything around her and was at her happiest learning something new about a person, a country, history or idea. She was genuinely and naturally curious. It’s all in her name - Joy Query - happy inquiry. She also simply loved the outdoors; long walks chatting amiably about the affairs of the world, gazing over mountain or ocean vistas, rambles along the coast of Dorset in southern England, or in Glacier Park, and of course flowers, always flowers. Taking delight in simple pleasures was one of her many gifts, and it was expected on spring, summer and fall hikes to hear her exclaim: “Oh look the crocuses have just come up!” Or “Aren’t the day-lilies lovely?”, Or “Do you think they’d mind if we picked one of their plums?” You get the idea. Just pure delight in the world.

Joy had a magic touch with people and became a second mother to her children’s friends and her sister’s children, treated her colleagues and friends with abiding love and companionship, and spoke easily and sincerely with total strangers, finding out more about them, their families and interests in a few short minutes than they probably realized. It’s safe to say that none who knew her hasn’t at one time or another heard the words: “Would you like a cup of tea, love?” And that settled it: you were now part of her family.

Joy will be missed by all who knew her, but all who knew her have been touched by her light and love, and all of our lives are better for her part in them. In endless love she leaves her children: Jonathan (Katayoun Amjadi), Margo, and Evan; her niece and nephews in England, Sally, Peter, David and Roger; three grandchildren, Soroya, Emeka and Christine Joy, five great grandchildren and one great-great-granddaughter on the way, and countless friends and colleagues near and far.

Donations in honor of Joy’s life can be made to Hospice of the Red River Valley and/or the Joy Query scholarship fund at NDSU.

A Celebration of Joy’s life will be held at the NDSU Alumni Center on Saturday, October 5th in the afternoon from 4:00 - 6:00 p.m.

Joy’s Great British Tea Party will follow the Celebration on October 5 from 6:00 - 8:00 p.m. All are welcome to join.

Now, about that cuppa tea, love!